Tuesday, May 31, 2011

May 31 - International Fight Imaginary Diseases Day

You always hear about fights against "popular" diseases, like AIDS, Breast Cancer and Munchausen by Proxy, and with good reason. (Well, maybe that last one doesn't need a bunch of attention, but you get the point.)

But what about imaginary diseases? Who's out there fighting the good fight against Motile Snarcoma? Who's rasing public awareness against Third Eye Infection and who is sponsoring a telethon to once and for all wipe out Inverted Drowning Syndrome?

You, that's who.

You can find out more about Imaginary Diseases that could be threatening your loved ones by ordering the exciting new volume "The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases." (I swear that's an actual book. Click on the link and see.)
At work you could make colorful flyers and put them up around the office. (After all, it's not like you can do actual work when all those diseases are out there, ready to strike.) Perhaps you can tell your co-workers gross-out stories about friends who survived the diseases; and those who did not.
And if you're really enterprising, you can even raise money for a "Fun Run," to, say, fight Diseasemakers Croup. (The disease where you continually make up imaginary diseases. It's in the book.)
Good luck on your fight to raise awareness--and cash--and remember:
If you can touch but one life (or wallet), you'll have made a difference.

Monday, May 30, 2011

May 30 - International "Start a Rumour" Day

I don't care what others might say, I know that people love hearing rumours. Its a guilty pleasure. The juicier the rumour the better.

Why not start one of your own. Today is International "Start a Rumour" day. Make up a rumour that is completely outrageous and silly. Tell some friends and wait to see how long it takes to get back to you. You'll love how the rumour has changed from person to person.

I'll get your started. "Psst....Did you hear that Hyperion was born with a tail?"


Sunday, May 29, 2011

May 29 -I nternational Vern Yip Appreciation Day

An Ode to Vern Yip

Oh Vern, your designs on Trading Spaces fit me like a glove
Therefore, I feel you deserve some manlove

Your taste, your asian style, your Feng Shui Flair
Goddess knows, I wish I had your hair

Even though your show has disappeared from the scene
Do you think you could come and redesign my kitchen, just no green?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

May 28 - International Whistle Day

Today's a great day to practice an old art or learn a new one. Whistling can be done by anyone, and can be simple or sophisticated, pleasant or raucous, inspiring or insulting. A most versatile pastime.

Your tasks today:

  1. Whistle the Andy Griffith theme song.
  2. Get someone to join you.
  3. Whistle at someone pretty/ handsome.
  4. Blow across a pop bottle.
  5. Learn to whistle with at least one of these, new to you:
    1. A blade of grass
    2. Your thumbs
    3. Acorn shell
    4. Empty lunch size box of Sun Maid Raisins
    5. A drinking straw (bonus if you can change the pitch)

Friday, May 27, 2011

May 27- International What's Playing On Your Radio Day

Poor Jeremy Yayst broke his radio while dancing a little too vigorously. He slammed, he was slam dancing, into a shelf holding his CD radio player knocking the entire shelf to floor and destroying his stereo.

That same day his six year old cousin, while driving him home from preschool, pulled the volume knob off his radio in the car and threw the knob out the window. Jeremy can turn his car radio on but cannot turn up the volume.

Jeremy ordered another CD radio stereo over the net, but will have to wait 7-10 days before its arrival. In the meantime, Jeremy will go musicless.

Help Jeremy and all the other poor musicless souls, crank up your stereo, radio, CD player so everyone in your neighborhood can hear the music on International What's Playing on Your Radio Day.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

May 26 - International Princess Leia Day

May 26th is International Princess Leia day. And, by that I mean this Princess Leia.

Ladies, I think that it's well known that the Mens have their Princess Leia fantasy. I mean seriously...metal bikini, chained up, lookin' hot. How about we have fun with that today??

Keeping the text short so I can have some fun.
:) LJS

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

May 25 - International Get a Trucker To Honk Day

You loved doing it as a kid - sticking your arm out the window, pumping your fist up and down until you got that trucker to blaze away on his horn.

Chances are you'll be on the road this Saturday. Whether it's traveling to visit family, if you are lucky enough to get away for Memorial Day weekend, or, if you are like the rest of us, stuck in town, find your way to a freeway while you're out running your Saturday errands. Get your Tiger-Woods-I-just-made-that-putt-action going on each time you pass a trucker and give them a reason to blast that beeper. You know they love to do it!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

May 24 - International Hug A Cop Day

Remember Officer Friendly? The cop who would come to your school and patiently answer all kinds of questions about copping and bad guys and whether they shot anyone or wrecked a car? I do, most fondly.

I don't think cops get enough love. So today, show your appreciation for their service in this fine and noble profession. Run up and give a cop a great big snuggly hug, preferably without warning.

They love surprises.

Disclaimer: Seriously, I love the police - a friendly wave would probably do in most cases. Or an envelope full of cash.

Monday, May 23, 2011

May 23 - International Read a Favorite Childhood Book Day

Everyone had a favorite book as a kid. Whether it was Doctor S., those wacky Berenstain Bears, or even Lil' Tobias's favorite Barely Legal....

Whatever it is, we all have warm memories of a childhood favorite. Why don't you curl up tonight with one of yours, and then leave a comment saying which one it is. (Then leave a comment trashing what other people enjoy, 'cuz chicks like drama and shit, you know?)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

May 22 - International "It's Taco Night" Night/Day

If you are like me, you are always looking for something quick and easy to cook. Hopefully, you are not like me and you lost all your money on the Preakness Stakes, but I digress. Tonight, celebrate easy and cheap cooking with the long overlooked taco.

Grab some ground beef or extra firm tofu for you vegetarians, fry it up with some onions, some of that scrumptious taco spices included in the box and drain. Slap the meat/tofu, some cheese and your favorite veggies and some spicy spicy salsa and Ole' dinner is served.

Or, there are ramen noodles, but what are you in college??

Saturday, May 21, 2011

May 21 - International "Dye Your Hair" Day

Are you feeling ho hum? Are you feeling bored or blue? Why not make change. Today is International 'Dye Your Hair' Day. Changing your hair colour is one sure fire way to perk you right up.
If colouring your hair is too drastic for you, you can also try dying other hair. Men, you can experiment with dying your chest hair. Ladies, there are now products for dying your um.... um.... (hair down there).


Friday, May 20, 2011

May 20 - International Skinny Jeans Day

Welcome to International Skinny Jeans day folks!

On this day, in history, Levi Strauss earned a patent for his blue jeans. Since then, jeans have been de rigeur for casual wear.

One lovely aspect of jeans are the way they seem to hug your curves, and show off your ass....ets. Most ladies have a pair of "skinny jeans"-ones that fit us really well and make us feel like a million bucks. The concept of "skinny jeans" was popularized by "Sex and the City" character Miranda, where she could fit back into her skinny jeans after giving birth. It was a cause for celebration.

Unfortunately, all of the images of "skinny jeans" are modeled by stick-thin "girls" who wouldn't know a bodacious curve if it hit them over the head. And the Queen of Bodacious Curves, Tracy Lynn refused to get out of bed for less than $10,000. Let's celebrate the skinny jeans but beware of the muffin top.

Ain't nuttin' getting between me and my Calvin Kleins, :) LJS

Thursday, May 19, 2011

May 19 - International Be Nice to Someone Smaller than You Day

Most big people don't even notice us little ones, and if they do it's only to gawk at us, treat us like childredn--retarded children at that.


Little people are people too. They're just, you know, little.

For all the times you made a little dude feel unworthy, for all the times you accidentally didn't see one of us and almost ran us over with your car, bike, or big hairy feet, go out of your way to be nice to a little guy. You don't have to be all patronizing like Mr. Man or something (that'd be mighty white of you), but just take a few moments to spend with one of us. We're just like anyone, interesting as hell. We don't need special treatment, we're just as normal as anyone else.

Well, maybe not this guy.

As for me, I'm quite the little guy already, so how am I going to be nice to someone smaller than I am, you ask?

well, there is more than one way to be big.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

May 18 - International Stomp on Ants Day

Marty Quai had an ant invasion in his home to the extent he had seen at least one ant in every room. Marty, being very poor, invited over all his friends for a party with the proviso everyone wear boots. The person who stomped on and killed the most ants won a free pizza.

Fifty of Marty's friends came and stomped and jumped with such gusto, twenty of them went through the floor into the basement injuring four of the stompers.

In honor of Marty and his friends, if your home gets invaded by ants, stomp on one and call an exterminator.

Happy Stomp on an Ant Day.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

May 17 - International Pop Some Bubble Wrap Day

Bubble wrap - that ingenious invention to keep the contents of your parcels safe from the perils of shipping and occupying busy fingers for 50 years. Something inside all of us, maybe repressed teenage memories of squeezing zits onto the bathroom mirror, maybe just the urge to blow things up - even tiny things, whatever it is, you know you can hardly resist when you see a sheet. So lose all your popping inhibitions. Today is the day for you squeeze, stomp, and twist your way into popping delight. And if circumstances prevent you from getting your hands on a sheet, follow this link to virtual bubble wrap heaven: http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

Monday, May 16, 2011

May 16 - International Go All Kung Fu On Yo' Ass Day

You know there are people all over who deserve a good ass whoopin.

It's just not socially acceptable to make people bleed (under most circumstances - unless you're a surgeon or phlebotomist or hockey player). Plus, you don't always have your nanchakus with you.

So today, embrace your urge to show someone that there's someone who doesn't need messin' with (YOU, that's who), and they'd better step back. Get into your most fearsome crouch, hands splayed in appropriately threatening manner, and say 'WAAAAAAAAAAAH!'

Then turn around and walk away, saying, "Don't MAKE me go all Kung Fu on yo' ass."

Disclaimer: if you get your ass kicked by someone who actually knows Kung Fu, sorry. You're on your own. Also, this move not recommended for dealing with Officers of the Law.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

May 15 - International Obscure Catchphrase Day

All day long your job is to end each statement you make with an obscure catchphrase.

I personally like

"In accordance with prophecy."

Here's how it might work.

Fred from accounting comes by and says, "Michelle, will you take that spreadsheet to Bob when you're through adding the Shulman data?"

and you answer (very solemnly), "Yes I will do that...in accordance with prophecy."

Then it'd be even better if you nod absolutely seriously to Fred, and then turn and half nod/half bow to a picture of someone like this dude pinned up in your cubicle:

Of course you can pick a different slogan. You can try:

"By the Waters of Babylon..."

"As the Storm Clouds Gather...."

"Word is Knowledge, Knowledge is Power; Power is Word...."

or perhaps even

"Thy will be done."

The trick in all cases is to keep your voice steady and serious, and if someone asks you about it, don't even respond. Act like they didn't ask you about it, and respond with the same catchphrase. It will drive them absolutely nuts, and give you a big rush.

You can tell them tomorrow...or not.

Now, leave a comment as to what phrase you plan on or did use at work, and remember, if you pull this off you will be a god of jokesters at work....in accordance with prophecy."

Saturday, May 14, 2011

May 14 - International Breakfast for Dinner Day

Everybody loves a good breakfast, but who has the time. Usually we're too busy with work (or, if you're like me, sleeping with your woman) to do anything but drive-through, IF we're lucky, and maybe a early morning at Denny's after a hard night of Clubbin'.

Remember the last time you had breakfast for dinner? Remember how much fun that was? Do it tonight. Fix yourself a big-ass breakfast for dinner, or go to a diner or somewhere that serves big-ass breakfasts and cheer yourself up.

As for me and my favorite breakfast? Big Papa, of course.

Friday, May 13, 2011

May 13 - International Hug a Panda Day

Now, who doesn't love pandas?? They are so cute and cuddly and squishy and well huge, that they just have to be hug able. So, grab one and hug it. This will be easiest to pull off if you are in Washington, DC, Southern California or China. Break into the zoo, get through security, jump over the fence and give ling ling a good ole squeeze. Just be sure it is not mating season, its the only time in the year that a male panda can tolerate a female long enough to get some nookie.

san diego 035

*The Creators of International_____Day do not condone any illegal activities; at least if you get caught.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

May 12 - International "Kiss the Cook" Day

Cooks are unsung heroes in our world. They deserve some recognition. Welcome to International "Kiss the Cook" Day.

When you're eating your bagel or muffin for your breakfast, do you take the time to think of the person who made it for you? People get up at ungodly hours just make you your breakfast treats.
When you go to a local deli for lunch, do you ever think about the cook in the back room, lovingly preparing your soup and sandwich? The one making sure your soup & sandwich is just the way you like it; extra crackers, light mayo, thinly sliced tomatoes and pickle on the side.

So tonight whether you go home for a hot cooked meal or even if you go to a restaurant, show your appreciation. Show some love and kiss the cook!


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

May 11 - International Stop Hating on a Genre Day

So most of us have that genre, whether it is in music, movies, or other art forms, that we just can't stand. Do you hate country music? Maybe you
loathe 'chick flicks'. Whatever art form it is that makes your skin crawl, give it another try today. I suggest you start with something fresh rather than attempting to have a new attitude about something you've tried to like in the past. Have an open mind, open ears, open eyes, and an open heart. Tomorrow you can go back to hating...or maybe not.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

May 10 - International Yoko Ono Day

Today we celebrate International Yoko Ono day with a staged peace rally in our bedrooms, off-key singing, and make some punk rockin' art. Let your hair down y'all and give peace a chance.

Perhaps the most wrongly villified woman in the history of rock-n-roll, Yoko is widely blamed for breaking up the Beatles. But today, we all acknowledge that it really was Linda's fault and hope that, on May 9th, this matter will take care of itself.

"If I was john and you were yoko,
I would gladly give up musical genius,
Just to have you as my very own, personal venus."

Always your Yoko, :) LJS

Monday, May 09, 2011

May 9 - International Celebrity Smackdown Day

Welcome to May 9th Ladies and Germs!

Today we celebrate International Celebrity Death Match Day with a special bout between Linda McCartney and Yoko Ono. Whether it was breaking up the Beatles (ahem, Linda) or singing offkey (Yoko and Linda) or butchering the lovely artform of the keyboard (again, Linda)...these ladies have a special place in history. But which one of these ladies will win the smackdown?

Linda is making a posthumous comeback just for this special occasion, and she is armed with her special brand of vegetarian sausage rolls. Reeking of wheat flour and sulfur dioxide, these tasty treats are sure to intoxicate.
Yoko is armed with millions of unsold Yoko Ono/Plastic Ono band records that she has specially sharpened for the occasion.

Who will win the smackdown? You decide!

Let's get it onnnnnnn! :) LJS

Sunday, May 08, 2011

May 8 - International Test Drive Day

There's nothing more fun than test driving a new car. (Well, actually, I wouldn't know, not being tall enough to drive, but there's nothing that looks more fun.) That new car smell, the engine noise, the feel of the seats....

The possibilities....

There's no law that says you can only test drive a car when you're in the market to buy, or that you only test drive in your market. They want you to test drive cars, hoping you might decide to buy. It's not deceit to not be really interested.

And if it was, are you going to boo-hoo over okeydoking a car dealer?

I thought not.

Put some time aside today--at lunch, right after work--to go test drive a 2008 model car. And I ain't talkin' 'bout no 2008 Toyota Camry. Reliable blah blah blah.


Test drive something with verve. You know that verve is, futhamucka? Well, find out and get you ass down to the luxury car dealer. Then come leave a comment on what car you drove or would like to drive.

Come on, live a little, if only for a short drive!

These are the cars that li'l Tobias will be trying to get behind the wheel of:

Saturday, May 07, 2011

May 7 - International Geosmin Day

It doesn't have to be the first rain of the season to enjoy this aroma we all know and most love. Geosmin are little blue-green algae-like critters in the dirt which mingle with yellow plant oils. When it rains, these compounds combine to form petrichor, the spring-rain smell of earth.

The purpose is thought to retard seed growth during dry spells, but I know better.

It's for your enjoyment.

Friday, May 06, 2011

May 6 - International Wear Your Slippers to Work Day

In a stunning display of insight, Marcia Van Stottlemeyer, an owner of small boutique shops all over the world, asked her employees to wear their slippers to work on this day in 1986.

After coming home from work one day, Mrs. Stottlemeyer placed her achy and tired feet into her slippers. She wanted her feet to always feel like they did when inside her slippers. She also reflected her employees, at the end of their days, were always rubbing the backs of their feet.

Mrs. Stottlemeyer wanted one day of the year when her feet and her employee's feet could be perfectly happy. She declared, the next day at work, her employees should wear their slippers to work on May 6.

The word spread from boutique to boutique and hence today is International Wear Your Slippers to Work day!

Thursday, May 05, 2011

May 5 - International Banjo Appreciation Day

Admit it.

You've been walking around all day, all week, all month--and dare I say all year--without once stopping to appreciate the Banjo.

For shame. Nothing says "International Day like a Boy and his Banjo. There's something just so....je ne sais quois about the Banjo. A good chase just isn't complete without some Banjo lovin', and it is absolutely physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually (and dare I say sexually?) impossible to be mad when the Banjo is playing.

For proof I offer perhaps the greatest banjo song of all time. Check out the white-haired banjo guy. Who knew?

Make sure you spend at least part of this day appreciating the wondrous banjo, and then make sure you help others do the same.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

May 4 - International "Make Out In An Elevator" Day

Have you ever been in an elevator with an attractive stranger or a hot coworker and you just wanted to grab them and kiss them so passionately that they forget their own name? Well today is your lucky day! Its International "Make Out In An Elevator" Day and you are free to explore your naughty side. There is nothing more thrilling than the thought of being caught.

Two rules. First, this is not an excuse to cheat on your significant other. Invite your honey to come play with you during the day. He/she will love it. The other rule is that the object of your affection must be a willing participant. We don't want you getting arrested or slapped.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

May 3 - International Photocopy Your Face Day

Try to find 30 seconds today to sneak over to your nearest office, resource room, Kinko's, or library and plant your grill on the glass. Here are some suggestions you need to think about:

1) If you are at work, make sure the coast is clear. There's nothing quite as embarrassing as getting caught by your boss using company equipment, paper, and electricity to pull off this stunt. It must needs stealthy action.

2) Get a small bottle of glass cleaner solution and a small cloth to wipe away your greasy smudge marks left on the top. This is just courtesy. Since many will be pressing their faces on the same glass, it could get pretty gross, not to mention the smeared distortion on the photocopy. Hey, if I expect a fresh roll of paper for my face on the chiropractor table, I should expect a clean glass to press against for a clean copy.

3) Important: you will want to protect your eyes, as exposure to the light from the photocopy machine may damage your retinas. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6302191.stm Safety suggestion: If you fake-n-bake, or you know someone who does, find and wear those specialty goggles you use in the tanning beds. I don't want you suing me because you burned out your eyes!

4) Finally, find a spot to proudly display your picture. Again, if you do this at work, you may need to observe suggestion #1.

Monday, May 02, 2011

May 2 - International Belay Day

A belay is a device to help catch a climber by creating enough friction on a rope to make prevent falling.

Everyone needs when falling. So catch someone today.

Happy International Belay Day.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

May 1 - International Honey Where's My "blank" Day

Always have trouble finding your car keys? Lose you glasses on top your head? Then this is the day to celebrate you! A day to celebrate those of us who have so much going on in our heads that we can not be bothered to figure out the trivial things like where the kids/cats are.

To fully celebrate, take your wallet from wherever you usually keep it (purse, back pocket, mouth of the dog) and place it on a central table. Then wait for your housemate to be settled down comfortably. Stand and walk into the kitchen, scream at the top of your lungs "Honey, have you seen my wallet??" and give a salute to the Duck. To go full scale, do this 10 to 15 times during the day, your honey will love you for it.