Monday, March 01, 2010

March 01 - March 07 - International March Like You Own the World Week

March 01 - March 07

International March Like You Own the World Week

What I have noticed is that the world does not treat me as it should. Rarely is there bowing and scraping, a knuckled forehead, a doffed cap, a thrown pair of panties. It's only my due, so why not the recognition?

Then I realized that maybe the world is taking its cues from me. After all, when I could out on the town, am I strutting around, Cock-of-theWalk, like I own the place? In short, do I look like this guy?

(Not pictured: three midgets standing behind the guy holding him up)

Probably not. And, just being honest, I couldn't wear that many clothes without passing out. But I can walk like a King, and so can you.

Remember how in THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK you could tell the difference between the two Leos just by how he carried himself? Well, that's what you/I need to do!

Whether we have the clothes or not (and now that I'm thinking about it, I'm leaning towards a sable coat, or at least a neighborhood cat or two), we can certainly walk like we own the world. Countless hours of Elizabethan dramas and a five year friendship with Axyl Rose have convinced me the walk is really everything.

What you do is: sort of a military mince. You're powerful, you're in cadence, but with added pauses, as if to bask in the adulation of your subjects, nod to graciously to bows, leer at cleavage (without seeming to), and the like. (Warning: make sure you have people behind you, as picking up any thrown panties will only ruin the effect.)

(No touching until later)

You might even want to think about a scepter, and some royal headgear would also be in order, but the most important thing is the walk. Practice it at home in front of the mirror, and soon the crowds will part before you. No longer will you have to wait behind women buying food for an entire country. Now you will go to the head of the line.

After all, the world owes you!

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