Monday, October 31, 2011

October 31 (Halloween) - International Scare Someone in the Dark Day

To honor Halloween, I think we should scare someone in the dark. There are two great ways for doing this. The first is to play Murder in the Dark! This is an awesome game. Here are the rules:

Make enough slips of paper for 1 each. On one write "murderer", on another write "detective", and on all of the rest write "suspect". Put the slips of paper in a hat and draw. You can not reveal to anyone what you are. Someone counts to three and turns off the lights. (Be sure to play this in a room where no one will bump into any sharp things) and the game begins. Also fun is to play in a house or building with multiple rooms, but again: make sure no one will accidentally bump into fine china or your ancient sword collection. The murderer finds people and taps them on the shoulder. If you are tapped on the shoulder and are a suspect, simply fall to the ground, making a few dying noises. If you are tapped and you are the detective, you say "detective is dead". When the detective is killed, the lights go on. All dead suspects must pretend to be dead, and even the murderer himself can play dead. The detective then surveys the "bodies" and accuses who they think is the murderer. If they guess wrong, the murderer has won, but if they guess right, the detective has won. To make it easier for young detectives, people can call out "Murderer, murderer" when they are killed.

Variation (Hyperion's Family Rules): When the game starts, the detective is cloistered somewhere that he or she cannot hear what's going on. The rest of the people mill around the house, freaking out, until the murderer strikes. Then everyone gathers in the living room around the dead body and the detective comes out and does his/her best Sherlock Holmes impression, interrogating suspects. EVERYONE MUST TELL THE TRUTH BUT THE MURDERER, who can lie or tell the truth as it suits the purpose of evading detection. After the detective has asked the questions necessary, a guess is made and the murderer is revealed, and then you play again. This is a GREAT game to play at family gatherings, provided everyone is between 12 and 70.

I can't tell you how much fun it is to bump around in the dark, terrified that you're going to get killed. (And if there are eligible ladies in question, well, I always say to lead with your hands out at chest height, if you know what I mean!)

The next way to scare someone in the dark is to turn off all the lights and tell them a scary story. The one I have below comes from an English nursery rhyme, and it used to scare everyone to pieces as a kid. Even now it can be quite effective.

The problem: reading it, the story will seem silly and inane. YOU HAVE TO TRUST HYPERION HERE! What you do is: memorize the story, or the basic flow to it. (Once you read it a few times, it's not hard.) When you tell the story, you then have to follow these few rules:

  • The lights have to be completely off. Setting the mood will help add suspense
  • Tell the story very slowly and very softly. If people are straining to hear, they will be even more tense, and you set them up effectively.
  • When you get to the bold parts (from the cupboard), read those lines even slower and more wailing, as if from the grave. I don't care if your audience is 9 or 39, this will be effective.
  • Don't ignore all the teeny/tinys. They seem stupid reading them over down below, but when you tell the story, the repetition adds to the cadence and eventually suspense.
  • Most importantly, when you get to the end, the words in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, you must shout that as loud as you can. In the dark, after the entire story told slowly and softly: trust me, they'll freak.

And without further ado, here is your story. Please leave a comment on whom you tried to scare, and how it went over.

ONCE upon a time there was a teeny-tiny woman who lived in a teeny-tiny house in a teeny-tiny village. 

Now, one day this teeny-tiny woman put on her teeny-tiny bonnet, and went out of her teeny-tiny house to take a teeny-tiny walk. And when this teeny-tiny woman had gone a teeny-tiny way, she came to a teeny-tiny gate; so the teeny-tiny woman opened the teeny-tiny gate, and went into a teeny-tiny churchyard. And when this teeny-tiny woman had got into the teeny-tiny churchyard, she saw a teeny-tiny bone on a teeny-tiny grave, and the teeny-tiny woman said to her teeny-tiny self, 'This teeny-tiny bone will make me some teeny-tiny soup for my teeny-tiny supper.' So the teeny-tiny woman put the teeny-tiny bone into her teeny-tiny pocket, and went home to her teeny-tiny house.

Now, when the teeny-tiny woman got home to her teeny-tiny house, she was a teeny-tiny bit tired; so she went up her teeny-tiny stairs to her teeny-tiny bed, and put the teeny-tiny bone into a teeny-tiny cupboard. And when this teeny-tiny woman had been to sleep a teeny-tiny time, she was awakened by a teeny-tiny voice from the teeny-tiny cupboard, which said:

'Give me my bone!'

And this teeny-tiny woman was a teeny-tiny frightened, so she hid her teeny-tiny head under the teeny-tiny covers and went to sleep again. And when she had been to sleep again a teeny-tiny time, the teeny-tiny voice again cried out from the teeny-tiny cupboard a teeny-tiny louder,
'Give me my bone!'

This made the teeny-tiny woman a teeny-tiny more frightened, so she hid her teeny-tiny head a teeny-tiny further under the teeny-tiny covers. And when the teeny-tiny woman had been to sleep again a teeny-tiny time, the teeny-tiny voice from the teeny-tiny cupboard said again a teeny-tiny louder,
'Give me my bone!'

And this teeny-tiny woman was a teeny-tiny bit more frightened, but she put her teeny-tiny head out of the teeny tiny clothes, and said in her loudest teeny-tiny voice, 'TAKE IT!'

Sunday, October 30, 2011

October 30 - International Coulrophobia Day

Coulrophobia is an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns.

Clowns creep me out. There is something very sinister about the the heavy makeup and exagerated expressions. They are evil creatures who's sole purpose is to play tricks on unsuspecting victims, all in the name of fun. Well let me tell you, there is nothing funny about this guy.

Now, I can't be the only one in the Hyperion Nation who is scared of clowns. Come on, show yourselves. We'll form a support group.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

October 29 - International Watch Movies that Scare You Day

Not everyone likes horror movies, and most of the people who do aren't scared of them. If they were scared, they wouldn't watch! (At least not so much.)

But everyone is scared of or at least has been scared of one movie in their lifetime, and to honor this day, you need to watch a movie that would scare you. It's okay to be scared every once in a while.

For me, that movie was Silence of the Lambs.

Cannibals just FREAK ME OUT!!!! But my brother made me watch it, claiming it was a classic and as a movie lover I needed to see it, even if I was scared. He was right, but the whole movie he kept making that "ftftftftftftft" sound that Hannibal Lecter makes. [SHUDDER] Even now that creeps me out.

Other movies that have scared me:

Stephen King's It

Rear Window (actually, anything by Hitchcock)

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Miss Congeniality 2 (only because I was scared it wasn't going to end)

So watch a scary movie tonight, one that actually scares you, and leave a comment telling us what movie scares you! We won't laugh at you. (Well, we might.)


Friday, October 28, 2011

October 28 - International Scared of your own Mortality Day

Some day you're going to die.

Think about that, not in a flip way, or like some half-sketch on TV, but in a very real sense. You have known other people who died. They aren't here any more. But more importantly:



Thursday, October 27, 2011

October 27 - International Scared of Saturn Day

Techically, Kronos was Hyperion's Brother. But Kronos is also Saturn. So Goya's painting ("Saturn Eating Kronos") has me completely confused.

But either way, I'm scrrrd!

(click on photo for larger view)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

October 25 - International Red Scare Day

Before we had the Axis of Evil, there were those wacky Communists. Oh, to be back in the days of fallout shelters and diving under school desks at the threat of a nuclear attack! When my parents were young people thought the U.S. would be overrun by the Russians and the Cubans just like Red Dawn. And did that happen? Noooo! I feel cheated! How could all those 80s movies lie to me? My worldview is shattered.

So today, spend some time with your comrades and get your fill of The Red Menace. Quote Yakov Smirnoff liberally. Eat borscht. Watch The Hunt For Red October, Rocky IV, Top Gun, Dr. Strangelove, Spies Like Us, or WarGames. Hide in the bushes and wait for the Soviets to roll through your town. WOLVERINES!!!

Monday, October 24, 2011

October 24 - The Feast of Maximum Occupancy

Our beloved Homer Simpson, for a brief time, founded and was the sole member of his own religion. This allowed him to avoid going to work on "religious festivals" such as the Feast of Maximun Occupancy. From what I could gather this feast consisted of hanging out in Moe's bar, drinking beers, flaming Moes and eating peanuts.

All I can say is; a good idea, is a good idea. So ditch work for "religious reason" and come celebrate the Feast of Maximun Occupancy. The first flaming moe is on me. Who's with me?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

October 23 - International Caught You While Deep In Thought Day

I’ve often found it’s best to scare people when they are deep in thought. This video is a classic example:

Or another great one:

Sometimes when I’m driving and my wife in the passenger seat hasn’t said anything for a while, like she is in deep thought, I’ll quickly reach over and grab her leg and shout, “HEY!” That gets her almost every time.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

October 16 - International Jem and the Holograms Festival

You don't spend enough time thinking about how awesome JEM and the Holograms are!

Here are some websites for you to get in the spirit

IMDB Page Page

Wikipedia Page

Person who has way too much time on her hands Page (I especially like all the screenshots. I think I will print them out and trade them with friends!)

Jem was a totally revolutionary show. It was one of the first cartoons for girls that was way cool. (Guys seemed to like it too. Hmmmmm.) Jerrica Benton was given computer after her dad died called Synergy, able to make holograms out of anything. It was able to transform Jerrica and her friends into an amazing rock group. (No one has EVER thought of making a pop group look like something they're not!!!)

On stage mild-mannered Jerrica turns into Jem. Alongiside are Aja Leigh, Shanna Elmsford and Raya Carmen Alonso. Of course there is also Jerrica's troublemaking little sister, Kimber Benton. (When you play Jem and the Holograms with your friends, you can make your pesky nerdy friend play Kimber. If you're at work, I recommend Bob from accounting.)

Then there is the EVIL BAND, the misfits, with Roxy, Stormer and Jetta. (There is also Clash, who is always trying to join the Misfits.) This band seems to cause trouble for Jem wherever she goes. I hope they never find out that Jem is really Jerrica Benton!

Anyway, have lots of fun with your Jem and the Holograms Festival. The most fun thing is to dress up like '80s vixens and play guitar hero, but you can tramp it up anywhere! Remember, Jem is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous!

(JEM theme song)

Saturday, October 15, 2011

October 15 - International Quality Festival Time

Mamma and Pappa Scarlett were big fans of spending quality family time with their progeny. We even had an acronym for it: QFT- Quality Family Time as sort of homage to “Raising Arizona” and our own quirkiness. In Ohio, there are lots of fall festivals, so we day tripped with only our imaginations and love to keep us company. Fall Foilage tour, Apple Festivals, PumpkinFest, Harvest Festival. Some of my favorite memories were of us going to fall festivals. I really enjoyed seeing leaves change their color and spending time with my mom, dad and sister (even if she DID encroach on my side of the car…often). I can never resist a yummy smelling cup of cider and hot donut.

In honor of the fall season, I hereby proclaim that QFT is the acronym for Quality Festival Time. Get out there and find yourself a 110 pound pumpkin!
:) LJS

Friday, October 14, 2011

October 14 - International Festival of Festivals

It's that time of year again when we get to celebrate every single holiday, observance, festival and feast... all at once.
Fast for Ramadan and eat Thanksgiving dinner at the same time! Celebrate the conception, birth, death and resurrection of Christ simultaneously! Eat some Easter ham at a Passover Seder!

Oh, think of all the presents you'll receive for Christmas, Hanukkah, St. Nicholas Day, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Administrative Assistant's Day, Saturnalia and Three King's Day! A river of Marshmallow Peeps and candy canes and candy corn! An ocean of chocolates!

And if you party too hearty on Naw-Ruz, Samhain, Rish Nissanu, Rosh Hashana, New Year's, Chinese New Year's, Hola Mohalla, Norouz, Hogmanay, St. Patrick's Day, or Mardi Gras, your're lucky because Yom Kipur is right there for you too.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

October 13 - International Toasted (or Burnt) Marshmallow Festival

Nothing makes a great festival like having a bon fire. Nothing makes a great bon fire like toasting marshmallows skewered by wire coat hangers.

When most people think of toasted marshmallows, they associate them with s’mores. And s’mores ain’t bad. But this festival is dedicated solely to the marshmallow itself. You can leave your Hershey™ bars and graham crackers at home.

I can certainly appreciate those who like their marshmallow with the outside perfectly toasted to a medium shade of brown and with an inside that is warm and gooey. But if you are like me, I burn my marshmallows to the point of being carcinogenic. My process is to let one catch fire until there is a nice black coat all the way around before blowing out the flame. After letting it cool, I then slide the outer ring off and enjoy. This leaves a white center which can be set on fire and the process can be repeated. I was once able to get five burnt rings out of one marshmallow this way. It’s sticky, but it’s good!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

October 11 - International I Love Fall Day

Fall is my favourite season of the year. I love the cool weather, smell of autumn fruit and the trees set ablaze in colour. If only I was a poet and could express my love of fall to all you. But alas.....

Fortunately I have found some who can.

Ode To Autumn
by John Keats

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;
To bend with apples the mossed cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For Summer has o'er-brimmed their clammy cell.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reaped furrow sound asleep,
Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers;
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cider-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,---
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir, the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft,
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

Monday, October 10, 2011

October 10 - International Festival of Crap its Monday

Do not tell me you all do not feel this, every Sunday night around 10 p.m. or so, that awful dread that is the coming of Monday morning. You could be the garbage man, a drunken Lindsay Lohan or the President of the United States and it just hits you, crap, its Monday and I have reports to shred.

So, take heart, that man on the train with you is feeling the same thing, which is why you all have that glum looks on your faces. Or it could be he has been drinking too much Hennessey, but its best if we all just think that its the fog of Monday, not him hearing voices.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

October 8 - International WaterFalls Day

There is not much in nature cooler or more awe-inspiring than a Waterfall. So, take some time today to enjoy the view. (Click on pics for larger image. Well worth your time.)

Friday, October 07, 2011

October 7 - International Attack of the soFA LLama Day

Everywhere across this great land people are walking softly today, fearful of what might happen to them in the living room. That's right, friends: it is the short but terrifying season of the soFA LLama.

So please, for the love of alpaca, be very very careful today. You never know when he will strike next.

Hyperion said our first day had to have the word "Fall" in it. He didn't say how. (Respect the loophole.)

Thursday, October 06, 2011

October 6 - International Fall in Love with your Waitress because it might be her Birthday Day

If you go out tonight, you should definitely fall in love with your Waitress, because it might be her birthday.

Ways to tell it's her birthday:

She's wearing a Tiara

She's wearing ribbons in

She has a sextet of elves following her around singing her "Happy Birthday," (but not the well-known version; then she'd have to pay royalties)

She is getting spanked (Note: obviously not a valid indicator at Waffle House)

If you do discover your Waitress is having a birthday, make sure to tip her extra good. Especially if it's me!!!!! Remember: always tip with bills (waitresses HATE cash!)

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

October 5 -International Fall at a Duck's webbed feet Day.

October 5th is the day that yours truly, the ever mysterious Sparky Duck was hatched, between 30 and 50 years ago. And while I do not expect all of you to make a pilgrimage to Philadelphia to fawn all over me, I am giving to a chance to do the next best thing. Since my feathered cousins are usually not that hard to find, when you see one, bow down before it, and praise the wonders of Sparky Duck. I sent a message out to my minions that pooping is not allowed, but sometimes the messenger gets lost, or shot. So, consider any duck shat as a party favor from me to you.

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

October 4 - International Fall with a Rhyme Day

Everytime I fall I just fall...but some, some falls are classic enough that you'd think Hallmark was behind their telling.

Ring around the rosie,Pocketful of posies.

Ashes, ashes.We all fall down.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king's horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down and broke his crown,

And Jill came tumbling after.

Monday, October 03, 2011

October 3 - International Sing The Theme Song From 'The Fall Guy' Day

I don't remember much from the TV series 'The Fall Guy', other than it had Lee Majors in it who played Colt Seavers a stunt man/bounty hunter with a cool pick-up truck and that it had one of the best theme songs ever. So here are the words, and try to do your own stunts today.

Well I'm not the kind to kiss-and-tell,
but I've been seen with Farrah.
I've never been with anything
less than a nine, so fine.
I've been on fire with Sally Field,
gone fast with a girl named Bo.
But somehow they just don't end up as mine.
It's a death-defying life I lead. I take my chances.
I'd die for living in the movies and TV.
But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading ladies
Kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building,
I might roll a brand new car,
'Cause I'm the Unknown Stuntman
that made Redford such a star.

I've never spent much time in school,
but I've taught ladies plenty.
It's true I hire my body out for pay, hey, hey.
I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs,
blown up for Raquel Welch,
But when I wind up in the hay,
it's only hay, hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge,
or Tarzan from a vine,
'Cause I'm the Unknown Stuntman
that makes Eastwood look so fine.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

October 2 - International Fallout Shelter Day

Celebrate a product of history and hysteria in America, Canada and Europe – The Fallout Shelter! Forgotten and abandoned after the Cold War, these ultra-protective, subterranean rooms were a symbol of last-chance security and hope in the midst of the uncertain possibilities of nuclear war or nuclear accidents. Even if the unthinkable happened, people could at least have a place to sleep and get a tasty canned food meal three times a day for two weeks while waiting for the radioactivity to decay.

Locate and head to your nearest local fallout shelter and see what you can find there. If you want to go for dinner, I may suggest skipping breakfast and lunch. I hear that hunger makes a great spice. And if time allows, go ahead and spend the night. Nothing tops an experiencing like sleeping on a cot, especially if you can get some friends to pound on the door all night screaming, “Let me in! My skin is burning! And I feel nauseous!”

Saturday, October 01, 2011

October 1 - International Fall and Prostrate before the Hyperion Day

On this day in 2007, the Great Hyperion gaveth us a guide of what to watch on television. Not only does he overlord but he also makes great sacrifices (like watching "Heroes"). He does it for us, the little peoples. {sniffles}
So in honor of all of his hard work, great muscle tone, and killer baritone, I salute Hyperion on this great day.

And you shall also.

:) LJS