Wednesday, June 29, 2011

June 29 - International Pirates for Picard Day


Attention Trekkies:
You know you have a favorite. Here is your chance to let it be known! It's a battle worthy of intergalatic proportions!
We can savagely argue over the uncouth and studly Kirk or the refined and handsome Picard. My bet is that the Picard camp will win. But that's because pirates like Picard!

34 comments:

Schrodinger's Kitten said...

PICARD.
Because he'd never sleep with green aliens.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Argh! Indeed Schro!
I like Picard too. It's the way he says "Earl Grey. Hot."
Meow!

Tracy Lynn said...

Picard. Because smart with an accent is extra sexy. AAARRRGGGHHHH, indeed.

lost goddess said...

I have always preferred Picard!

tiff said...

Picard - he totally smoulders while Kirk is a flash in the pan.

kapgar said...

Han Solo would kick both their asses.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Kapgar-obviously you have the wrong day! While Han Solo is an awesome ship's captain, he is so not Star Trek material. Anyway, Picard would eat Han for lunch...Picard is just THAT good.

Koz said...

How old are you people like 10? You probably never even saw Star Trek the OS until G4 Tv started playing it recently. Any sophisticated Trekkie , not unlike myself, appreciates the OS like a fine wine. Not only is Kirk a great El Capitan but he is also the original Mack Daddy. How many green ho's did 'Prick'ard pull in? If OS is a fine wine, TNG is Boone's Farm. Come on people get a grip.

tiff said...

koz - that smarts! I was old enough to watch the OS, but was salivating over Spock....Kirk was a sweaty grunty neanderthal of a man next to the cool Vulcan. Much like #1 was terse Picard's lusty foil.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Obviously Koz thinks that the only reason we like Picard better is because we haven't watched the OS. Ha ha ha and a big ARGH I say! I grew up watching the OS and I still like Picard better. Kirk was a galactic disaster!

SJ said...

I read about this site over on Kapgar, and according to his schedule, today was supposed to be International Top Ten Bitchin' Lists Day. Being the Chronic Listaholic, I was delighted to participate. I made up a wonderful Top Ten Bitchin' List to post today, and was all set to promote your campaign. Then I come over here to link to you, and find this Pirates For Picard Day going on.

What's up with that? Why did you change it? Don't you people know lists RULE?!?! I'm so disappointed.

Hyperion said...

Lady Jane Scarlett had set up the list as a tribute to me (since I do top ten lists over on my website), and I too was majorly bummed to see a battle between two captains that matter so little.

(You want to talk about Captains that matter, how about Cap'n Crunch vs. Captain America?? Or Catpain Kangaroo? Or Captain CaaaaaaaaaaaaaveMaaaaaaaaaaan! and son))

Anyway, my only conclusion is that either Lady Jane Scarlett hates me, or she is so hot for me that she worried everyone would figure it out, and this whole Star Trek thing is a diversion.

(PS we should totally do a Top Ten Captains LIST. SJ, whomever you are, if you write me at hyperioninstitute@gmail.com I will post your list as a cross promotion and give you major credit.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Hyperion, You had me at hello. You figured me out. Is it warm in here or is it just Hyperion making me so hot?

lost goddess said...

While I might not be old enough to have caught any Os episods on a first run. I have still seen it on many occations. Kirk was spreading an intergalactic STD. Now how sexy is that? I'm with Tiff, Spock was the star of that show. I love the one with the alternative reality. where Spock was evil. Now that was hot! Picard was just so sly. You could fall for him and not even know it. I did!

Suldog said...

I favored KIRK when I was younger. Then, I grew up and became a victim of male-pattern-baldness. PICARD from that point on.

Koz said...

If it's a list you want the it's a list you'll get:

100 Reasons Kirk is better than Picard

100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One Word: Hair.
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
74. One Word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69. One Word: Iman.
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
54. One Word: Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly
translated as "GO F*CK YOURSELF."
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two Words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hayin Iowa to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One Word: Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20.Two Words: Crane Shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him"four eyes."
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
10. Kirk never once, ever,wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
1. One Word: Balls.

kapgar said...

I think Koz just confirmed what I've always feared... Trekkies need a life.

I JEST! I JEST!! Really.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Oh Koz...we can play this game. Bring it on!!! :D LJS

101 Reasons Why Picard Is Better Than Kirk
1. Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.
2. Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
3. Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from period 1950's dramas.
4. Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 1 or 2 lines.
5. Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.
6. Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.
7. Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
8. Picard has so much back-bone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
9. Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
10. Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.
11. Picard commands his ship using the big head.
12. Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.
13. Three words: seven whole seasons.
14. Picard never uses Grecian 2000.
15. Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive" - a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.
16. The only way Picard would allow tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.
17. Picard never met Joan Collins.
18. Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
19. Picard participates in the odd archaeological dig. Kirk would make a suitable subject for one.
20. One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?
21. Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle with some guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.
22. Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.
23. Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
24. Picard doesn't need hair - real or not.
25. Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in go-go boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
26. One word: SQUISHED (what would happen to Kirk and his ship had he met the Borg and tried to deal with them in the same manner as he deals with most other things).
27. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population. Just goes to show how questionable his sexual practices really are.
28. If their situations were reversed, Kirk would probably nail Troi. Picard has standards.
29. Kirk can just about drive a stick-shift. Picard sells Pontiacs during the commercial break.
30. Picard has a real bar aboard his ship.
31. Picard would never have let his second in command irradiate himself in the engine room.
32. While Kirk did make most of the decisions aboard his ship, this was only because advice from his crew was almost exclusively limited to "That's illogical Captain", "It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim", "It's life, but not as we know it..." and "Klingons on the starboard bow." Small wonder really.
33. Unlike Kirk's, Picard's middle name doesn't sound like an infectious disease.
34. You'd never have to clean Picard's semen out of the holodeck after he'd used it.
35. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulfur, potassium nitrate & charcoal and used it to fire diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. Picard is a starship captain, not MacGyver.
36. Picard has only stooped to the dire act of feigning illness to attract a guard's attention once.
37. Kirk has to fight Klingons to get his way. Picard only has to tell them what to do.
38. Picard would never wear eye makeup. Ever.
39. Picard has a small, convenient hands-free communicator, not a Fisher Price spin-n-whizz baby toy.
40. Picard would never let himself get turned into a woman.
41. Picard and his crew can solve a week's mystery in 44 minutes flat. Kirk used to take 50 plus.
42. Picard never has to sign an Etch-a-Sketch attendance register kept by Yeomans with hair like a helter-skelter.
43. Picard never cries in front of his crew when one of them gets killed.
44. Picard never has pretentious episode titles like, "For the world is hollow and I have touched the sky".
45. Kirk is so boring he's caused several computers to self-destruct merely by talking to them.
47. Picard knows how to make a starship last. Kirk has gone through 3 already; that's a trifle careless.
48. Picard's engineers never lie to him about how long it takes to fix something, because no one, not even Starfleet engineers, mess with Picard.
49. Okay, so Picard is French. But at least he speaks with an English accent.
50. Picard chews out Klingons. Kirk chews on Klingons.
51. Picard can climb rocks without falling off.
52. Picard's uniform fits. Particularly around the midriff.
53. Picard had a large serrated knife pushed into his back, through his heart and out his chest.... and he just Laughed at it!!
54. Kirk fights like Adam West.
55. Picard blows up another starship more than once a season.
56. Picard never has Russians aboard his ship. Kirk has one at the helm.
57. Picard never has to put bits of Lego into his computers to make them work.
58. Picard made sure all the beds in his sickbay looked even more uncomfortable than Kirk's so he'd have fewer slackers.
59. Picard's phaser fires a burst of potentially lethal energy. It does not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.
60. Women chase Picard. Kirk has to go out and bag his (except for the ones with green skin.)
61. Picard never needs a pessimistic Scotty to beam him out of the crap when things get ugly.
62. When Picard has a holiday he goes home, gets drunk and brawls. Kirk sits at a camp-fire toasting marshmallows while singing "Row, row, row, your boat" .
63. Picard ate Romulan soup and didn't even flinch. Much.
64. The Klingons in Kirk's day were real wusses.
65. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
66. Picard's girlfriends just look good. In any light.
67. Picard once sent an entire ship full of people through a worm-hole to their certain doom. And just because his bartender suggested it might be a laugh to do so.
68. Picard doesn't need to jump through big stone doughnuts to travel in time.
69. Remember the time when the Captain of the Enterprise was a slow-moving, monosyllabic automaton with a funny name? But enough about Kirk, wasn't Picard terrific as a Borg?
70. Kirk only managed to make himself look relatively attractive by carefully selecting his crew; contrast is everything.
71. Picard has only ever gone crazy once, and then he did something really cool like draw a smiley face in the cloud emanating from a warp core explosion.
72. Picard would never let his son get killed by Klingons.
73. Two words: Command presence.
74. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.
75. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked around Sherwood Forest. Kirk has no sense of humour.
76. Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side of Kirk's wig.
77. How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk.
78. Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
79. When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly 'Stargazer'. Starfleet soon learned the value of "progressive experience" having witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
80. If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to relocate the command chair to sick-bay.
81. Picard has more than one token black on his crew.
82. Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
83. Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.
84. Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
85. Picard would never have said "He's had too much LDS".
86. Picard never has to say stupid things like, "I...am a Gr'up!" in front of young teenage girls who fancy him.
87. Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
88. Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert.
89. Picard won't spend his retirement writing science fiction books or making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.
90. Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.
91. Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
92. Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
93. Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound.
94. Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie.
95. Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.
96. Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
97. If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
98. Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.
99. Picard would never attack his own ship.
100. Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?
101. Who ever heard of the Patrick Stewart foundation?

Tracy Lynn said...

Ahoy, LJS! Well done!

lost goddess said...

I declaire Picard the winner by these facts alone;

27. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population. Just goes to show how questionable his sexual practices really are.

49. Okay, so Picard is French. But at least he speaks with an English accent.

59. Picard's phaser fires a burst of potentially lethal energy. It does not fire a stream of red felt-tip pen.

74. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he'd probably try to mate with it.

LJS You f"@#%in RULE!!!

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Booya all! Thanks for making June 29th the best-est day EVER in June! :D LJS

Koz said...

Prickard is a dick

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Heaven forbid that I let a Dirk lover get the last work in on the day. Bah!

Koz said...

Bah!

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Humbug!

Koz said...

Likewise

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Muhahaha!

Dragon said...

I'm torn. I'm hot for Picard but I'm a ninja girl at heart. Is there a ninjas for Picard day coming up?

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Dragon, I think that the ninja and pirates can call a truce so that we can drool together over Jean-Luc Picard. :D

Sparky Duck said...

Would Picard be caught schilling for online travel sites? I think not

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

A fine point indeed Sparky!

Koz said...

1 Word - Shatfest

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Sounds dirty Koz...is that a proposal or a way to clear the room?

Alexis-Rueal said...

Picard fan here... 2 more facts as to why Picard is better than Kirk:

1. Picard would never-NEVER- need a girdle.

2. Picard would never have to negotiate about hotel prices.