Saturday, July 23, 2011
July 23 - International Rum Cake Tossing Day
Year - 1422
Place - Cornwall
Scene - In the kitchen of the castle of the local Lord
Persons - the cook, the Chef, his wife, and a killer
On December 15th, 1422, Lord Bombus Smythewick of Cled am Haddish, Cornwall, was entertaining local dignitaries. Lord Smythewick was the disputed but beloved leader of Clan Balldiddle, having come to power after the sudden and suspicious death of the previous cruel leader, Lord Crumpuddle, who had slipped and fallen down a very deep well filled with old bones and rancid meat-shavings. Despite Bombus being a good Lord, there were those in the Clan who would rather see the old Lord's son, Claprydde, take the throne of Dunfraffle.
The dinner party, intended to be a means of joining forces with the local houses of influence, had gone off rather smashingly, and all that was left to be consumed was the tripe and cheese dish, to be followed by the flaming rum cake.
Little did the festive crew know, but that a raving lunatic of a supporter of Claprydde had snuck into the house disguised as kitchen help, succesfully poisoned the rum cake, and was now scrubbing pots in the scullery, trying to make himself inconspicuous until the dastardly dessert was digested.
Little did the raving lunatic of a killer know, but that the cook and her lover, the chef, were having a bit of a snog in the bakery when the Chef's wife walked in on them and instantly was rendered blindly irate by the scene. Snatching up the first thing at hand, she flung the poisoned rum cake at the coupling couple, who had just fallen to the floor in a crumple of lust, thereby missing them entirely but landing square on the head of the disguised killer, knocking him into the knife block and impaling him on a 10" bone cleaver carelessly stowed point out, rendering him quite dead.
Therefore, July 23rd was declared International Rum Cake Tossing Day to commemorate this event, because, let's face it, December 15th is just too close to Michelmas to be sensible.