Saturday, September 18, 2010

September 18 - International Get the Hell Outta My Way Day

On September 18, 2005, a clever (and darned cute) little lady busied herself with preparations for her day. There were errands to be run, items to be exed off lists, appointments to be kept. It was turning out to be a perfect late summer (it's the south, no fall here for another month and a half) day. Football scores were being discussed on the car radio -- yards gained, punt returns made, top twenty polls being predicted -- and all was right with the world.

Screech! The tires made a cry of protest as the lady skidded to a halt to avoid backing over the neighbor's oversized but lovable cat.

The car once again resumed its pleasant hum as the lady proceeded down the street. And once again, it expressed its displeasure when it was forced to stop, this time for a person whose left turn against oncoming traffic was far more important than anything this little lady needed to do.
Sheesh, she thought, as she wiped away coffee drips from the console.

To the drugstore, to the market, to the post office. In and out, right? At the drugstore, barefoot, filthy children darted in and out the aisles, screeching their glee as they finished a healthy breakfast of cheetos and soda. Oops! said the lady as she stopped short to avoid a collision with one of them. Where's your mommy, sweetie?

Watch it! cried the lady later, as she once again avoided a crash, this time with skateboarding little heathens -- why the hell aren't they in school? -- doing grinds on the post office steps.

Hey! cried the lady, much later, as the guy in the pickup truck cut in front of her to take the parking spot she had spied at the market.

Dammit! Whoa! Watch out there! shouted the lady at least three or four more times that afternoon.

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!! screamed the lady, venting all the frustration of the days' happenings at the neighbor's fat, stupid cat, who had placed itself strategically between the lady's feet and the front door.

And it felt good. Today, we celebrate that feeling.

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