September 21 - International She Walks in Beauty Like the Night Day

On September 21, 1814, Lord Byron penned the immortal poem "She Walks in Beauty, like the Night," reportedly after meeting his cousin Lady Anne Wilmot in mourning clothes, and thinking her black attire contrasted with her pale skin in a beautiful way. (I think we all have cousins like that, if you know what I mean). You can read the full text of the poem, but here is just a snippet:

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.

To what purpose Lord Byron used this poetry we can only guess, but I will tell you this: Lady Anne Wilmot had her early 19th Century Schwerve on.

So, in honor of Byron and his smooth hepcat ways, I want all the men of the world to learn a few lines of poetry to impress their Lady Loves. Hell: to impress any Ladies. Men, I tell you the truth: unless she is a power hitter for the other team (and often, even then), almost every woman likes to hear herself compared to poetry. Yes, she knows it is flattery, and you are possibly angling for

• Sex
• A good meal
• Being allowed to watch football all day long
• All of the above
• All of the Above at the SAME TIME

But she will like it anyway. She will like the fact that you took the time to learn a stanza or two of poetry just for her. She will like that you have been thinking about her. Above all, remember what Homer taught Bart: When it comes to flattery, women are like blood-sucking monsters: always wanting more, more more!

This is your opportunity to feed the beast. If you are married, memorize this poem. You will have to call into work for a week.

Whatever you do, tell her something. Even if you have not a woman, find one, a perfect stranger if you must, and convince her she walks in beauty like the night.

You will not be sorry you did.